I christen thee, uh, my first blog.

This is Heather’s fault. The blog, I mean.

I’ve never done it. Again, I’m referring to the blog. (Unless, of course, you’re my parents reading this. Then I’m also referring to the forbidden “it” from my years of Catholic upbringing.) However, as a professional writer in this day and age, Heather advised me that I should write a blog for many reasons. 

1. Everyone is doing it. (Blogging. Wow, again? Get your mind out of the gutter.)
2. It’s a great way to showcase writing ability.
3. I’ll keep my creative skills sharp as I continue the elusive hunt in the Serengeti known as the job market. 

So if you enjoy the words that I throw out here every now and again, thank Heather. If you don’t, blame Heather. And if you need someone to toss back a cocktail with, she’s darn good for that, too.

So what should I write about on this maiden voyage? Do I jump on the soapbox and rant about politics or some cause? Or should I keep it simple as I dip my toe into the blog water? Decisions, decisions.

I’ll start small. Something light, just enough to satisfy the appetite. My “word tapas,” if you will. How about—oh, I don’t know—saving the planet? That’s a light topic. I figured out just how to do that at three o’clock this morning. Here’s what happened:

Drip…drip…drip.

I asked my landlord about the leaky faucet a month ago.

Drip.

This is the third straight night that I can’t sleep.

Drip.

It’s Chinese water torture!

Each drip seemed louder and louder. They were all I could focus on. After awhile, they almost seemed to echo.

Drip.

Louder.

Drip.

And louder still.

Then it came to me—fixing leaky faucets could solve many of the world’s problems. It’s so simple! How did I not think of this sooner?

The first problem solved is obviously the elimination of wasted water and the harmful plastic bottles that end up in landfills. Just leave a Brita pitcher (shameless plug) in the tub or sink overnight; it would be filled, if not overflowing, by morning. That’s water for your coffee, oatmeal, plants, brushing your teeth and water bottle. Even better, we could send those collected droplets to third-world countries in need of fresh water.

The second most obvious advantage to eliminating drippy faucets is crime prevention. Yes, crime prevention. Drippy faucets keep people awake. People without sleep become cranky and react to frustrating situations in inappropriate ways. One might, perhaps, stick a zucchini in the cashier’s ear for accidentally being charged for a cucumber. Not appropriate. One might also try to speak to their landlord about a drippy faucet. How’s that inappropriate? It is if you climb in their window at three in the morning to discuss it.

Fixing drippy faucets also reduces the cost of healthcare coverage. That persistent percussion will surely drive you over the edge. Put you on the brink. Snap your mind like a dried twig. If you fix the leak, you avoid the cost of therapy. You also save on the cost of bandages for your forehead, which will be necessary from banging your head on the bedpost over the symphony in the sink.

Fixing leaks also solves unemployment. Think of the jobs created by the need to manufacture the washers to prevent drippy faucets. And the pipe wrenches. Someone would need to make pipe wrenches. We’d need people to sell the wrenches and washers, too.

Well, I think I’ve stated my case. Overall…drip…the world would be much better off…drip…if leaky faucets were fixed.

Drip.